Being a college student, I walk around campus sometimes and I think “what if one of these people has a gun?” When I go to class I always sit by the exit, whenever I sit at a desk I always evaluate how much protection it would offer if I had to take shelter under it. And I wonder, how many people if any are thinking similarly.
School shootings and shootings in general are becoming increasingly more common. And everyone, everyone thinks “this would never happen at my school” but it always happens at somebody’s school.
Then I think about how because I am knowledgeable about school shootings and I have an interest in studying them, if in fact a school shooting was to occur- I think I would be the first person that people would suspect. Look at me, I’m anti-social, I was bullied, I have struggled with and have a history of depression and have taken anti-depressants, I don’t have many friends, I practically don’t have any family and yes I did have an abusive childhood. Oh and just to humor the media, let’s throw in the fact that I do listen to rock and heavy metal music and yes, I have been labeled as a “goth” even though I do not personally identify myself as a member of that subculture.
But here is the thing that separates me from a school shooter, I am aware COMPLETELY AWARE of all of these factors and I have come to the realization that I could never, ever, harm any person in any capacity. That is not in my nature. I am not a fighter, I’m a forgiver.
Even the fact that I am writing about this I feel would raise suspicion. But how do we combat an epidemic that we don’t acknowledge?
And then I think about the extremely unlikely chance that I could be set up by the government- that any of us could. Anybody could be brainwashed or hypnotized into doing anything. How much autonomy do we really have, how much freedom do we really have? Is the only reason I’m still alive because someone decided to let me live? What if I know too much, what if I’m asking too many questions?
It’s scary to think about.