If your dreams aren’t scaring you, they’re not big enough… and shit.
When I was a junior in high school, I had my heart set on one school- the one I’m at right now. Yes, Texas State is my dream school. Even with all of it’s flaws, I love Texas State with all of my heart- I really do. The reason I came here was because I felt it so strongly in my gut- and I was right. I have met people who are going to be in my life for a very long time, found great friends and even family. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am exactly where I’m supposed to be.
I took that for granted, I sabotaged myself because I didn’t think I was worth it. I struggle every single day to overcome myself, my destructive habits. I let the fire inside of me die- and everyday I struggle to reignite the embers.
To me, no conviction has felt as strong as the one I felt all those years ago when I knew I KNEW that this was the place I needed to be, until recently.
So there is this school called Tisch School of the Arts- it’s a part of New York University, and get this- their mascot is a BOBCAT! (Ha! Texas State’s mascot is a bobcat, isn’t that weird?!?!) Even though it’s a private school in New York City- which sounds fucking scary, I can’t help but dream about what it would be like to be there. I was thinking maybe for my masters degree- which would be intense because I think they allow like, 16 people into their acting program a year and the audition process is a bitch and not to mention that it’s probably one of the best acting programs IN THE COUNTRY. (Oh and just gonna throw this out there but Amy Lee lives in New York. I COULD LIVE IN THE SAME STATE AS MY FAVORITE PERSON ON THE PLANET!!!!)
I’m not saying this is going to happen, I’m just entertaining the possibility-for now. I don’t want to limit myself- I’m damn smart and talented among other qualities. I’m not trying to sound conceited- I am actually the most insecure person I know that I am capable of great things- you know, if I can manage to get my head out of my ass and get my shit together.